Rebekah* filed for divorce to keep Isaac* from filing first.
(*names changed for client privacy)
He was livid. His now somewhat-controlled-rage flies all over him in my office.
It’s okay. I get it. I’d be pissed too.
She wept most of the first session.
As their stories unfold, it becomes clear to both of them they had hurt each other in profound brain-changing ways.
You probably know that often the brain changes when traumatized by your Most Important Person. They couldn’t talk about their hurt in ways that would open the pathway to healing.
I told them, “Of course you haven’t. How could you? Those conversations hurt so much!”
Rebekah’s goal? Get Isaac to agree to seven counseling sessions in an attempt to prevent divorce.
1st Session Strategies
During our first session, I began helping them slow down the NEGATIVE INTERACTIONS that were destroying their marriage.
He feels heard. She feels hope.
They agree to come back.
Their goals are very different.
Rebekah wants to save the marriage. Isaac wants the seventh session to get here as fast as possible, so she’ll allow the divorce to proceed RIGHT NOW!
She agrees to his stipulation – she’ll grant a divorce if he attends counseling.
They return. The anger and tears still present themselves. But something new begins to emerge in and between the hurt and disappointment.
I help them have new conversations about their individual hurts.
Conversations are very slow going. At first, a lot of anger and blame exists. I help them slow those interactions, so they have deeper talks. As they begin sharing vulnerably with the one who hurt them, and their pain is felt and acknowledged by their Most Important Person, softer conversations take shape.
These are new, different, and better conversations. Healing is happening right before their eyes. They’re becoming Heroes in their own story.
When Rebekah and Isaac come in for the last sessions, they’re arm-in-arm. They’re laughing and joking with each other. They’ve become friends again.
So Much has Changed
They’ve offered each other forgiveness inside and outside of session. They’ve acknowledged the ginormous hurts they had (unknowingly) inflicted on each other and asked for forgiveness.
I’m incredulous in a good way! No! I’m amazed at the transformation they have experienced.
Alas, he still wants a divorce. But she is okay with it. They both know they will be able to co-parent well.
And this is not the end of their story.
Time goes by after the divorce.
I don’t hear back from them. And that’s okay. They know I’m here.
One day in the summer, Rebekah calls me. I see her name and wonder…
They want to come back in.
They’ve been dating. They want to do new work to make sure they should remarry and that they will make it this time.
“Of course, I’d love to work with you.” I’m elated! Excited! In my heart, I’m jumping up and down with joy!
We meet for a time before they invite my lovely bride and me to their wedding. Of course! We’re available, and we wouldn’t miss it.
It. Was. A. Beautiful. Wedding!
This is a true story. Not all couple’s stories end this way. Many couples do become the heroes in their own story. Some couples don’t make it. In my role, I either help couples move out of distress and into bonding conversations or help them clarify their desires.
I do not judge. I do care. No matter what happens for a couple, I’m there.
I want to be there for the two of you.
Real Help and Hope for Real Couples
Are the two of you a Couple on the Brink?
I specialize in helping highly distressed couples.
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Call today (501) 920-6096.